Girls With Comics

So the new Lexus 2010 TV spot features a rather familiar looking logo floating in the sky, with a very “cat” like lady driving a very nice Lexus GX. Personally I doubt anyone in Gotham would drive a Lexus (especially when Bruce Wayne could afford much more exotic cars), but to each their own:

Batman himself has also had a long history with the infamous clown:

Seriously if the Batmobile were speeding up behind me, I would get the fuck out of the way.

Other Batman commercials:

I don’t think Batman would ever eat Taco Bell. I don’t think he would be able to get out of that suit before it was filled to the brim with shit.

If Batman were smart, he wouldn’t use goddamn On Star which can track where the fuck you are. Asshole.

Do you want to know the real reason why Robin died? Because this fat ass motherfucker pulled over for a Diet Coke.

-Lauren

Tonight my man and I decided we wanted to do something nice and funny, and go to the movies. In my area we have a $3 movie theater. They get all of the first run movies about 3 months later, and the ticket prices are mad cheap. Well, all they had was Twilight New Moon, so we saw it. We have seen Twilight and we got a kick out of it because it was really unintentionally funny, so what the hell.

I don’t like vampires to begin with, but they aren’t the worst things ever. I enjoy True Blood and Dracula so I’m not totally anti-vamp. I just hate the fucking vampire kids who used to hang around Hot Topic when I worked there. But I digress! Twilight, which is essentially about fucking forest fairies who don’t eat humans and glitter in the sunlight, is the worst piece of shit ever. The author is a fucking joke. Even Aquaman could write better than her and he’s a piece of shit too. The series teaches girls who are too fucking dumb to think for themselves that having an abusive boyfriend is O.K so long as he’s beautiful. It’s also honky dory to string along a guy who’s clearly nicer and better for you, because he’s not as beautiful. Oh and you’re only valid as a human (har har) so long as you have a beautiful boyfriend who fucking glitters in the sun.

New Moon the movie is gawd awful. Twilight was at least funny. It takes itself way too seriously, and everyone in the movie looks like they’d rather be getting fucked by a horse then actually trying to act. Kristin Stewart, who plays the brain dead protagonist, looks bored and blinks her eyes too fucking much. She can’t act, plain and simple. She’s not even pretty. The guy who plays Edward, whom I lovingly call ‘Foot Face’, honest to God looks like he’s in physical pain through the whole movie. I thought he was going to hurl on Kristin Stewart when Edward was dumping her in the woods. Her reaction to being dumped by the worlds most beautiful Foot Face? Why, she blinked, blinked some more, and then blinked. Eventually she tripped on a tree branch, fell on her knee, and then passed out. The last time I fell on my knee I bitched about it for 5 seconds and then got over it.

So in this movie there’s also CGI wolves. The CGI is fucking terrible. Now, if you can make me believe that Optimus Prime is real, then you can make me believe that these fucking wolves could fuck up someones life. And I don’t want to hear that “not in the budget” bullshit. This series has made millions of dollars off of 14 year old girls. Trust me, they have the money, but it’s clear even the fucking director doesn’t give a fuck. I can’t take anyone in the cast seriously as an actor, either. Everytime I see one of them in something non Twilight related, I laugh at them. I understand needing to collect a fucking paycheck, but this is too much. None of the characters have any chemistry between them. None. Not even Kristin Stewart and Foot Face. They look like they would rather be vomiting spiders than kissing each other.

Do you know the one good thing about this movie? It’s an effective form of birth control. My vagina shriveled up into itself and shot itself in the face. If I ever wind up having a kid, and I come home one day when they’re 12 or 13, only to find them enjoying this piece of shit or something just as stupid, I will beat my kids with a dolphin. I know I liked dumb shit as a kid, but at least Sailor Moon taught me to be a good friend and only fall for guys who get kidnapped by space witches.

-Lauren

Now I feel like a grade A dork when I say this, but for a fictional character, Hal Jordan is fucking hot. Plus he gets all kinds of space-ass. He’s the James T. Kirk of the D.C universe.

Speaking of good-looking comic book characters, Tony Stark is also pretty hot. Plus, when you have a fine ass motherfucker named Robert Downey JR. playing him, it adds to the sex appeal. Seriously, I think Marvel and DC need to play up how hot some of their characters are. The women are all kinds of crazy good-looking, made to clearly be fan boy fodder, but what about those of us who like men? I’m not saying looking at Supergirl isn’t terrible, but it does nothing for me.

However as hot as they are, I have no desire to see fan art of said characters in raunchy poses. I still like my porn with real people (and I also like it free).

-Lauren

So lets say you have a kid who doesn’t like to read. Maybe they’ve read Diary of A Wimpy Kid and liked that a lot. Why not try The City of Ember by Jeanne DuPrau! It’s a four book series, without pictures. While it might seem daunting to most kids at first, it’s a very easy to read book, with a well written plot and two amazing protagonists, Lina and Doon. Lina and her sister live with their grandmother (who soon dies in the first book), while Doon lives with his Dad. The two were once friends when they were younger, but are merely civil to each other at first.

They live in an underground city that’s about to “die”. 200 Years before Lina and Doon, humans fled to the underground city after a terrible war. A generator was built to last only 200 years, plenty of time for humans to find their way back up to the surface. This doesn’t happen, and as such, the generator is falling apart. Lina believes there is a way she can save everyone, and Doon soon believes her as well. I won’t give much else away, but believe me, it’s good.

The only book I didn’t like of this series is the third book, a prequel. It was boring, and frankly I wasn’t invested in the main character like I was Lina and Doon. It was frankly boring. The movie, which was released in 2008, it what drew me into the books. I got the movie by accident from Netflix, and I frankly enjoyed it. However, this would be an excellent way to get children interested in the series. Seek out the movie at Best Buy or Netflix, and have your kid(s) watch it. If they want to know what happens, get them the book. It’s a pretty flawless plan, if you ask me.

-Lauren

As a fellow nerd, I have no problems telling you guys to shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down on certain topics. Topics such as PGX grading, and comic book based movies, seem to really heat people up on various comic book forums I visit.

On PGX:

I know, I know. According to you, everyone should just ignore PGX because it’s “a company run from a basement” or something. I honestly have nothing against PGX. I buy PGX graded books for dirt cheap because many, many fans simply don’t trust them. Maybe the grading is off, I don’t know. I have cracked some PGX books out of a slab and sent them to CGC, and the grading has been close. Frankly, I think people need to just get over it. Having competition is healthy in the long run, and every company has to start somewhere. I’m sure all of you who are against PGX were wary of CGC as well. Now, I’m also not telling you to try PGX out, but you should lighten the fuck up. It’s not that big of a deal.

Comic book movies:

Everytime a studio announces they will be releasing a movie of some random comic book character, the nerds come out of the wood-work protesting casting choices, directors, story lines, whatever. BEFORE THE MOVIE IS OUT. Sometimes you can smell a piece of shit before it ever leaves the ass, but sometimes you might be shitting out a fucking golden rose and don’t even know it. The Green Lantern movie is a thing of worry at the moment, since some girl from some popular show is in it. I don’t know who the fuck she is and I don’t care either. She may just be a good actress, and Ryan Reynolds isn’t the worst actor in Hollywood. There isn’t even a trailer out yet and already nerds are flying off the handle because of it.

Sit the fuck down. Take a deep breath. These movies are made for the public. If they made a movie for the fans, by the fans, or whatever the fuck have you, the movie would most likely flop because average Ken and Barbie wouldn’t get all the “in” jokes and probably wouldn’t like it. Majority of my non-comic book friends don’t like comic books, but they like the movies because they are easy to follow (except for that shit fest Watchmen). If movie adaptations make your blood pressure soar, don’t see them. Don’t seek out articles or pictures on them. Just sit the fuck down, grab a cheeseburger, and continue reading your graphic novel. I simply don’t get why you guys and gals get so heated over something so dumb. If you want something to get pissed about that has an impact, get involved in politics.

-Lauren