Girls With Comics

I love Wonder Woman. She’s a bad ass motherfucker who isn’t afraid to beat the fuck out of you. She a dynamic force of love, justice, and ass kicking. However, she baffles me at the same time.

One, she has an invisible jet. Much like Aquaman and his stupid giant seahorses, Princess Diana flies around in an airplane she can’t see, yet can run without an issue. In certain episodes of Super Friends, the plane turns some parts of her invisible as well. That’s kind of bad ass, but I wouldn’t be able to fly it since I’d probably mistake the toilet for the captain’s chair.

But, Wonder Woman can fucking fly by herself. Yes, she’s such a bad ass that she can goddamn fly without the use of said jet. I don’t know about you, but if I could fly, I wouldn’t bother with a fucking airplane. Bitch, stop being modest. Oh, and also? Start being real. You seriously wear heels when fighting crime. I can barely walk down to my car in heels without fear of falling the fuck over, much less kicking someone in the face. Maybe that’s why she’s such a badass. Or maybe she’s just stupid. I don’t know, but I still love her.

-Lauren

So last year I went and saw Wolverine in theaters. Now, the last X-Men movie didn’t exactly leave a bad taste in my mouth, and Hugh Jackman is a pretty sexy mofo, plus, Ryan Reynolds was in it, and I would hit that with the might of Thor. So I was kind of excited for it.

Then the movie started.

Hugh Jackman looks like he can’t take this shit seriously anymore. Afterall, he now does Broadway, a true tough guy calling, so he doesn’t need that pansy ass Wolverine. Seriously he wasn’t even trying. The rest of the cast was also not trying as well, but they were still doing a better job then all of those asshats in Twilight. Plus, I couldn’t keep up with all the mutants they were introducing. The ones at the very begining aside from Deadpool? No fucking idea who they were. They all died within like 10 minutes so it’s not like I could even care about them. It was however cool seeing Emma Frost on-screen, although not what I really expected.

Oh, and lets not forget Deadpool. I’m  certain Deadpool can talk, and you can’t see his face. I’m not sure who that ugly bastard was during the last fight scene, but he was not Deadpool. I’m certain thats what Edward and Bella’s (from Twilight) love child would look like though, and I’m not happy about that.

-Lauren

So the new Lexus 2010 TV spot features a rather familiar looking logo floating in the sky, with a very “cat” like lady driving a very nice Lexus GX. Personally I doubt anyone in Gotham would drive a Lexus (especially when Bruce Wayne could afford much more exotic cars), but to each their own:

Batman himself has also had a long history with the infamous clown:

Seriously if the Batmobile were speeding up behind me, I would get the fuck out of the way.

Other Batman commercials:

I don’t think Batman would ever eat Taco Bell. I don’t think he would be able to get out of that suit before it was filled to the brim with shit.

If Batman were smart, he wouldn’t use goddamn On Star which can track where the fuck you are. Asshole.

Do you want to know the real reason why Robin died? Because this fat ass motherfucker pulled over for a Diet Coke.

-Lauren

Tonight my man and I decided we wanted to do something nice and funny, and go to the movies. In my area we have a $3 movie theater. They get all of the first run movies about 3 months later, and the ticket prices are mad cheap. Well, all they had was Twilight New Moon, so we saw it. We have seen Twilight and we got a kick out of it because it was really unintentionally funny, so what the hell.

I don’t like vampires to begin with, but they aren’t the worst things ever. I enjoy True Blood and Dracula so I’m not totally anti-vamp. I just hate the fucking vampire kids who used to hang around Hot Topic when I worked there. But I digress! Twilight, which is essentially about fucking forest fairies who don’t eat humans and glitter in the sunlight, is the worst piece of shit ever. The author is a fucking joke. Even Aquaman could write better than her and he’s a piece of shit too. The series teaches girls who are too fucking dumb to think for themselves that having an abusive boyfriend is O.K so long as he’s beautiful. It’s also honky dory to string along a guy who’s clearly nicer and better for you, because he’s not as beautiful. Oh and you’re only valid as a human (har har) so long as you have a beautiful boyfriend who fucking glitters in the sun.

New Moon the movie is gawd awful. Twilight was at least funny. It takes itself way too seriously, and everyone in the movie looks like they’d rather be getting fucked by a horse then actually trying to act. Kristin Stewart, who plays the brain dead protagonist, looks bored and blinks her eyes too fucking much. She can’t act, plain and simple. She’s not even pretty. The guy who plays Edward, whom I lovingly call ‘Foot Face’, honest to God looks like he’s in physical pain through the whole movie. I thought he was going to hurl on Kristin Stewart when Edward was dumping her in the woods. Her reaction to being dumped by the worlds most beautiful Foot Face? Why, she blinked, blinked some more, and then blinked. Eventually she tripped on a tree branch, fell on her knee, and then passed out. The last time I fell on my knee I bitched about it for 5 seconds and then got over it.

So in this movie there’s also CGI wolves. The CGI is fucking terrible. Now, if you can make me believe that Optimus Prime is real, then you can make me believe that these fucking wolves could fuck up someones life. And I don’t want to hear that “not in the budget” bullshit. This series has made millions of dollars off of 14 year old girls. Trust me, they have the money, but it’s clear even the fucking director doesn’t give a fuck. I can’t take anyone in the cast seriously as an actor, either. Everytime I see one of them in something non Twilight related, I laugh at them. I understand needing to collect a fucking paycheck, but this is too much. None of the characters have any chemistry between them. None. Not even Kristin Stewart and Foot Face. They look like they would rather be vomiting spiders than kissing each other.

Do you know the one good thing about this movie? It’s an effective form of birth control. My vagina shriveled up into itself and shot itself in the face. If I ever wind up having a kid, and I come home one day when they’re 12 or 13, only to find them enjoying this piece of shit or something just as stupid, I will beat my kids with a dolphin. I know I liked dumb shit as a kid, but at least Sailor Moon taught me to be a good friend and only fall for guys who get kidnapped by space witches.

-Lauren