Girls With Comics

Mera is Aquaman’s wife. But unlike Aquaman, Mera can actually do something usefull. Like fighting. In Blackest Night she gets to really kick some ass (including Zombie Aquaman, but shit who couldn’t beat the fuck out of Zombie Aquaman?), and prove to me that not everyone related to Aquaman is a complete waste of imagination.

Mera is such a bad-ass motherfucker that she even gets to fight a certain other female hero in the DC universe, and she really kicks some ass. Also, she uses water as a weapon. That’s awesome. Do you know what Aquaman uses water for? A place to hide. He’s lucky his wife (who clearly wears the pants in the relationship) is a bad-ass.

Hell, in Blackest Night she beats the fuck out of other zombies too. She tears the jaw off of one before shoving her trident in the assholes chest. I even feel bad that Aquaman and her son are dead, because the bitch is fierce and deserves a loving family.

And meanwhile, in the Hall of Justice, Zombie Aquaman was eating The Little Mermaid because he’s a piece of shit.

-Lauren

I have a secret to tell you. I like to read kids books. I also want to write kids books, so I guess it’s a good thing I read kids books. Anyhow, Diary of a Wimpy Kid by Jeff Kinney is one of the best kids books I’ve read to date. The series is hilarious! Greg, the protagonist, is urged to keep a journal that his mother gives him, so he can write down his emotions or what have you. We meet all of the main characters; Greg’s family, his best friend Rowley, and an evil piece of cheese on the black top of his school.

This book is funny for one big reason; The reader, no matter the age, can relate. I started reading this series in late 07 when the bookstore I worked in got a promo copy of the second book. I was in tears over how funny it was. A lot of what Greg “writes” about is based in reality, such as girls liking boys who can run the fastest (or some other dumb reason, which we did). Or not wanting to participate in gym, or not wanting to help around the house, or finding ways to black mail his younger brother into doing things for you.

Now, some people might find Greg to be a little bastard because he really isn’t a good kid. But, he’s a kid. He does the same things we did as a kid. In the end, Greg is a nice kid who tries to do the right thing, but it’s a learning experience for him, as it was for us (and still is for some of us). I can’t recommend this book enough to anyone who has kids, or anyone who just likes to read. Kids who normally avoid reading would highly enjoy this book, since there are pictures on almost every single page. It’s well written, highly enjoyable, and if you haven’t done so already, go read it!

Also, in the not so distant future, there’s going to be a live action movie! This excites me greatly. You can read more about the movie here: http://popwatch.ew.com/2009/10/30/first-look-diary-wimpy-kid/

To get more info about Wimpy Kid, please click here: http://www.wimpykid.com/

-Lauren

Haven’t seen the Batgirl pilot yet? Here, allow me:

Obviously it would have been a spin-off to the Adam West show, or maybe it was a way to introduce Batgirl to the networks for the already existing show. Either way, unlike her female counter part Wonder Woman, Batgirl is beauty, brains, has a job, AND kicks ass while saving Batman and worthless Robin. But what strikes me is odd, is that Bruce Wayne is in the library. If you happen to be one of the richest men in the tri state area, or half of the country, or is the Goddamn Batman, then you probably have no use for a library. You probably have a pretty awesome library at home. But then again, if you’re Bruce Wayne, you’re clearly at the library looking for some booty. Clearly this is the only reason Wayne would ever be seen in a library. Even if his “ward” was with him. Showing off your adopted son to the ladies always adds points.

The villains here are odd. All Batman villains are odd. But these guys are hanging out, in a library, while wearing hats with antenna on them. Now, maybe I’m just guessing, but if an odd ball bunch of guys wearing costumes in the middle of a month that is not October were in my place of business? I would ask what the fuck they were doing, and to get the fuck out. 

I also don’t know why she keeps her Batgirl costume at the library. Is the library constantly attacked by menacing thugs? Does she have a problem with the Joker not returning books on time? I must give props that she uses the cape as a skirt though, thats pretty awesome.

And hahahahaha Robin is clearly jealous of Batman slobbering all over Batgirl. Oh Robin, you are as useless as Aquaman, but I like you slightly more because you’re with Batman.

-Lauren

Yesterday afternoon, at around 430pm-ish, I began to watch the 20 hour movie known as Watchmen: Ultimate Cut. This movie is longer then the directors cut since it has Tales Of The Black Freighter woven into it, along with some extra scenes not seen in the directors cut version. HOWEVER, Tales adds nothing to the film, in fact it just gets in the way and is generally really annoying to sit through. The animation is crappy, and it honestly added nothing to the already too long and really drab movie. I fell asleep during the movie, and I still had to turn it off for the night because I wasn’t even halfway through the fucking movie. It’s just too long. This isn’t Gone With The Wind, people. This movie is pretty terrible, although it’s a treat to look at, especially in Blu Ray. 

The nice thing about the DVD is that it includes the motion comic, which is actually pretty decent. But if you really want to experience Watchmen at it’s best, just read the damn graphic novel.

-Lauren

With only a day to go, 2009 is coming to a close. Lets see what 2009 brought us:

The Best

1) Star Trek: This movie did not disappoint. Stylish, entertaining, and funny. Even my Star Trek loving, Shatner worshipping father thought the movie was excellent.

2) Batman: Arkham Asylum: I bought the game later than my friends (on Black Friday for $37!) but this game is amazing. The graphics are fluid and easy on the eyes, the story (by Paul Dini) is great, and having some of the original voice cast from Batman: The Animated Series is just great. My only problem? Even on ‘easy’ mode this game is still really hard.

3) Iron Man 2 Trailer: I never thought a trailer could be one of the best things about 2009, but this trailer made me cream my little nerd panties and left me wanting more. I’m still on the face about ScarJo, but I’ll make my final judgement when I see the movie. Oh yea, and War Machine looks bad ass.

4) Blackest Night: I’m glad I started reading modern comics again. This series will not let you down! While Marvel may have done the zombie thing a few years ago, I feel like DC is doing a better job. The series tie ins can be a little hard to follow (especially since I don’t read a majority of what DC releases), but all in all this series is great.

5) Transformers: Now before I get an angry mob at my front door demanding to know why this is a Best of 09, let me explain. The whole series is based on a toy line. The actual cartoon itself is just plain bad. The movies have very little in the way of plot, and the two main actors in this movie are horrible. HOWEVER, I did not go into Transformers looking for another The Dark Knight. I went in expecting giant robots who turn into cars beating the fuck out of each other. And that’s exactly what I got. Big explosions, giant robots, and more big explosions. The perfect summer popcorn flick.

And now, my favorite part, the worst of 09:

1) Watchmen: While visually appealing, the actual translation of the story to the big screen wasn’t as good as I hoped. Most of the acting was horribly stiff, except from Jackie Earl Haley and JDM. Everyone else just SUCKED. Also, goddamn Silk Specter 2. Stop acting like a cat in heat. The sex scenes were awkward, and Ozymandias looked like a pug when he wore his mask. Props to the directors cut though, that was more tolerable than the theatrical version.

2) Wolverine Origins: Did anyone else think the last X-Men movie sucked? Cause I do. And for whatever reason I thought this would be better. It wasn’t. In fact it was just really fucking bad. Terrible acting, terrible story, and Deadpool had no mouth. Defeats the fucking point of Deadpool.

3) G.I Joe: AUGH. This movie was just PAINFUL to get through. I went in with no expectations and it was still a pile of crap.

4) Zombie Aquaman: Even as a zombie in Blackest Night Aquaman is a piece of shit. I thought he would be cooler as a zombie. I was wrong. Really wrong.

5) Honorable mention to The Spirit: I know this movie came out last year, but this movie is still a piece of crap and I’m sorry I paid money to see it on Christmas Day 08. I like The Spirit as a comic book character, but whomever thought it was a good idea to let Frank Miller do this needs to be hit in the face with a wet fish.

-Lauren

Haven’t seen it on You Tube yet? Here, allow me:

I’m not sure what the writers were thinking. Maybe they had never read Wonder Woman, only scanned through the comics to get the general idea. Obviously they were trying to go in the same direction the Adam West Batman show was in (campy, over the top), but this falls on its face and is just insulting to women in general. I’m not sure what this pilot was attempting to do. Cast Wonder Woman in a goofy light, is obvious, but even Batgirl was ballsy and could kick ass. This Wonder Woman can’t even help herself up after she falls off her couch.

Thank God this was the only thing to come of goofy Wonder Woman.

-Lauren

Aquaman is the most useless character in the whole comic book universe. My earliest memory of him was from watching Super Friends on Cartoon Network. He spoke to fish. Speaking to fish is pretty much useless no matter where the hell you are, unless of course you live in the sea or are The Sub Mariner, who is a bad ass mother fucker. He not only spoke to fish, but his bad ass rides included a giant sea-horse, fish on a leash (wouldn’t they just slip out of the collar?) or on the backs of two dolphins. He also had a jet ski, which was pretty cool and semi normal. If I’m drowning in the middle of the ocean, and my only savior is a man who is on the back of a sea-horse, I’ll just drown. It would be easier than having to explain to my friends why a man, wearing a pumpkin themed outfit on the back of a dolphin saved my life.

For whatever reason Superman thought it would be OK to let him into the Super Friends team, along side actual useful hero’s such as Batman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern. Maybe he did it out of pity, or because The Flash knew that shit was whack. Aquaman is just useless though. Unless something is happening in the ocean, what can he do? What if there’s a problem in space? Is he gonna get some space fish to fly him around? Probably not, because while he’s thinking about how he can be useful in space, Green Lantern took care of the problem and got laid by some space chick.

And, meanwhile, in the Hall of Justice, Aquaman is jerking off to The Little Mermaid because he’s fucking useless.

-Lauren