Girls With Comics

I know, I’m a little late on that one. I don’t watch movies much, it’s lucky if I see them at all xP

Dad ordered Hellboy II yesterday and we watched it last night. Oy, what a terrible movie! The actors were all horrible. There was no empathy with any of the things on screen, creatures or human (except that one large green tree element, but that went away when it exploded into tons of tiny ones), there was ZERO chemistry between characters, all the “romance” was completely forced and more than half the time didn’t make any sense to begin with.I don’t even know anybody’s name except Liz and Abe, but that’s because their names were spoken so many damn times.

Plot holes? More like plot gulfs, there were so many enormous leaps and bounds that didn’t make sense or purely didn’t work. Abe went from requiring goggles for his eyes and a water-filled breathing apparatus to…contact lenses? How does that help him breathe?! They even made a joke about the breathing apparatus at one point in the movie then it…disappears. Liz gets in a fight with Hellboy, and says she’s going to leave at least three times…good job leavin’, girlfriend, YOU WERE STILL SLEEPING IN HIS BED LAST TIME YOU WENT TO SLEEP!!!!!!! They didn’t even pretend to say anything about the fact that these ends didn’t meet and just went along with the whole thing.

Chemistry was completely non-existent between the so-called “romantic” couples and the entire basis of the movie, the romance and sacrificing for someone you love, was completely forced. Liz and Hellboy just didn’t work together and all their interactions were REALLY awkward. Abe just sees the Princess, and then is completely head over heels for her, and if the twins were really linked in the manner they were, wouldn’t the Princess have been able to control the Golden Army as well?

The action scenes were BORING, repetitive and I found myself looking for other things to do during action sequences…of which, let me say were far too many. The CG wasn’t even that impressive…except for that giant tree spirit thing.

Just about the only worthwhile part of this movie was the costume design. Unfortunately, very few characters reaped the benefits of the nice design. Pretty much the prince, the princess and the king. The rest of the characters basically were wearing no clothes, a suit, or the costumes were nothing memorable. But the costumes for the royalty were really impressive, well done and designed in a manner that worked with the character designs & colors.

Overall, don’t waste your time. Just look at pictures and pretend it may have been entertaining.

~Han

Just for Lauren.

Aquaman lays back in his tub, watching the Olympics on a portable television.

The announcer says Michael Phelps’ name, and the superhero winces.

A twinge of jealousy. A scowl. A clenched fist.

He looks at his costume folded up on the toilet seat.

Orange, green, black, and yellow… sure, the colors are ugly, but it’s a classic.

And functional, too, he reminds himself. That technological suit they wear in the Olympics still can’t produce race times like a true superhero.

Or let them talk to fish.

“Give it up, dude,” says his pet goldfish.

Aquaman sighs, and changes the channel.

~Han

I hate both Aquaman and Phelps! 😀

So I’ve been working all day with my nose dripping on everything I look at and sneezing like an asthmatic in a wood shop (would asthmatics sneeze in that situation? I don’t know. I think you get the picture.) (Just dropping in to say, as an asthmatic, if I were in a wood shop, I would probably have an asthma attack. The sneezing would be something else entirely. -Lauren)

I grabbed a box of tissues with my tea and sat down to grumble about being sick and attempt to feel even a smidgen better. Then I thought about it….What Would Batman Do with a cold?!

He’d kick the cold’s ass from one side of Gotham to the other, and make a set of tissues to boot.

Yep. Straight from eBay, you can wipe your nose (or the dribbling nostrils of a munchkin child) with Batman’s Epic Face.

Spiderman would make a hot water bottle for those feeling a little achy.

And Superman, well, he’d swoop in to protect your toilet from those, erm, purges.

You think you’ve seen it all, and then the Internet comes to tell you that you’re wrong. Well, it’s good to know that superheros have my cold taken care of, and I should be back on my feet in short time.

And I looked. There are no Aquaman toilet seats. But, if Aquaman had a toilet, it would probably be this:

~Han