Girls With Comics

With only a day to go, 2009 is coming to a close. Lets see what 2009 brought us:

The Best

1) Star Trek: This movie did not disappoint. Stylish, entertaining, and funny. Even my Star Trek loving, Shatner worshipping father thought the movie was excellent.

2) Batman: Arkham Asylum: I bought the game later than my friends (on Black Friday for $37!) but this game is amazing. The graphics are fluid and easy on the eyes, the story (by Paul Dini) is great, and having some of the original voice cast from Batman: The Animated Series is just great. My only problem? Even on ‘easy’ mode this game is still really hard.

3) Iron Man 2 Trailer: I never thought a trailer could be one of the best things about 2009, but this trailer made me cream my little nerd panties and left me wanting more. I’m still on the face about ScarJo, but I’ll make my final judgement when I see the movie. Oh yea, and War Machine looks bad ass.

4) Blackest Night: I’m glad I started reading modern comics again. This series will not let you down! While Marvel may have done the zombie thing a few years ago, I feel like DC is doing a better job. The series tie ins can be a little hard to follow (especially since I don’t read a majority of what DC releases), but all in all this series is great.

5) Transformers: Now before I get an angry mob at my front door demanding to know why this is a Best of 09, let me explain. The whole series is based on a toy line. The actual cartoon itself is just plain bad. The movies have very little in the way of plot, and the two main actors in this movie are horrible. HOWEVER, I did not go into Transformers looking for another The Dark Knight. I went in expecting giant robots who turn into cars beating the fuck out of each other. And that’s exactly what I got. Big explosions, giant robots, and more big explosions. The perfect summer popcorn flick.

And now, my favorite part, the worst of 09:

1) Watchmen: While visually appealing, the actual translation of the story to the big screen wasn’t as good as I hoped. Most of the acting was horribly stiff, except from Jackie Earl Haley and JDM. Everyone else just SUCKED. Also, goddamn Silk Specter 2. Stop acting like a cat in heat. The sex scenes were awkward, and Ozymandias looked like a pug when he wore his mask. Props to the directors cut though, that was more tolerable than the theatrical version.

2) Wolverine Origins: Did anyone else think the last X-Men movie sucked? Cause I do. And for whatever reason I thought this would be better. It wasn’t. In fact it was just really fucking bad. Terrible acting, terrible story, and Deadpool had no mouth. Defeats the fucking point of Deadpool.

3) G.I Joe: AUGH. This movie was just PAINFUL to get through. I went in with no expectations and it was still a pile of crap.

4) Zombie Aquaman: Even as a zombie in Blackest Night Aquaman is a piece of shit. I thought he would be cooler as a zombie. I was wrong. Really wrong.

5) Honorable mention to The Spirit: I know this movie came out last year, but this movie is still a piece of crap and I’m sorry I paid money to see it on Christmas Day 08. I like The Spirit as a comic book character, but whomever thought it was a good idea to let Frank Miller do this needs to be hit in the face with a wet fish.

-Lauren

Haven’t seen it on You Tube yet? Here, allow me:

I’m not sure what the writers were thinking. Maybe they had never read Wonder Woman, only scanned through the comics to get the general idea. Obviously they were trying to go in the same direction the Adam West Batman show was in (campy, over the top), but this falls on its face and is just insulting to women in general. I’m not sure what this pilot was attempting to do. Cast Wonder Woman in a goofy light, is obvious, but even Batgirl was ballsy and could kick ass. This Wonder Woman can’t even help herself up after she falls off her couch.

Thank God this was the only thing to come of goofy Wonder Woman.

-Lauren

Aquaman is the most useless character in the whole comic book universe. My earliest memory of him was from watching Super Friends on Cartoon Network. He spoke to fish. Speaking to fish is pretty much useless no matter where the hell you are, unless of course you live in the sea or are The Sub Mariner, who is a bad ass mother fucker. He not only spoke to fish, but his bad ass rides included a giant sea-horse, fish on a leash (wouldn’t they just slip out of the collar?) or on the backs of two dolphins. He also had a jet ski, which was pretty cool and semi normal. If I’m drowning in the middle of the ocean, and my only savior is a man who is on the back of a sea-horse, I’ll just drown. It would be easier than having to explain to my friends why a man, wearing a pumpkin themed outfit on the back of a dolphin saved my life.

For whatever reason Superman thought it would be OK to let him into the Super Friends team, along side actual useful hero’s such as Batman, Wonder Woman, and Green Lantern. Maybe he did it out of pity, or because The Flash knew that shit was whack. Aquaman is just useless though. Unless something is happening in the ocean, what can he do? What if there’s a problem in space? Is he gonna get some space fish to fly him around? Probably not, because while he’s thinking about how he can be useful in space, Green Lantern took care of the problem and got laid by some space chick.

And, meanwhile, in the Hall of Justice, Aquaman is jerking off to The Little Mermaid because he’s fucking useless.

-Lauren