The Last Suckbender

Oh my God why did someone say M Night Shamalamalama could make an Avatar: The Last Airbender movie. Why did someone think he doing it would be a good idea?

Ok, so basically the first movie (oh God we have to endure more of this shit) follows book one, I guess. We meet the two main “kids”, Katara and Sokka. Katara is a water bender, and Sokka is not. Sokka also has the bad luck of being played by one of those fucking glittery Twilight vampires, so his suck level increased by that much. The two find Aang and Appa under the ice, and free him. Somehow they take him back to their village, and neglect to tell him that the Fire Nation has taken over and is being bad and evil and stuff. Eventually Prince Zuko, played by the kid from Slumdog Millionaire (how the hell do you go from THAT, to THIS, is beyond me), who kidnaps Aang.

Beyond that, there’s really no use going into the detail of what happens. The pacing in this movie is fucking terrible. Katara narrates through most of the film, which means M. Night rolled out of actually showing pacing, plot, a story, anything that wasn’t this. They skimmed over a few details, ignored some, and called Aang Ung through the whole film. Ung rhymes with dung, which is what this movie was: a steaming pile of dung.

The CG was hit or miss. When the elements were being used, they looked pretty awesome. But then when you saw Appa fly, it looked stupid. The costumes were also pretty sweet, but reminded me of some cosplay level stuff. Not saying cosplay can’t be good, but there’s a difference between cosplay and theater quality.

Overall, please avoid this movie. A dinner date to Red Lobster with Aquaman would be more exciting, and we all know Aquaman is as exciting as a dead fish.

-Lauren

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