Bat Nipples

As a child, I loved all things Batman. As an adult, not much has changed. I watched the original four Batman movies (well, I don’t count the Adam West or the movie series from the 40’s) recently. Growing up, Michael Keaton was Batman to me. He was menacing as Batman, yet charming as Batman. He was also hot to me, but I was like 3 so what did I know. Tim Burton also created, what I thought at the time, was a perfect Batman world. In actuality it was the set of Beatlejuice (ok so not really, but seriously all of his movies look the same). Then came Val Kilmer. He sucked. However, his suckitude was no where near the disaster known as Batman and Robin, aka Bat Nipples The Movie.

Uma Thurman, a normal great actress, really fucking blew as Poison Ivy. Ivy is my favorite Batman villain, but I feel she just can not translate well onto the big screen. The Governator as Mr. Freeze was also a crime against humanity. George Clooney and that dude who played Robin (I’m too lazy to Google, shut up.) also sucked balls. No one took this movie seriously. I’m glad they didn’t. Oh, and Batgirl was just useless and fucking stupid.

The best thing about this movie? It makes an AMAZING drinking game. Take one shot every time Mr. Freeze says a cold related pun. Take two shots every time the Bat People throw their Batarangs. Take three every time Ivy makes a flora or fauna joke. Down the rest of the tequila/Jameson/whatever if you’ve made it through an hour of the movie without turning it off.




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